Anti depressants

Today I gave in. I was prescribed them last year when I was breast feeding my baby. When I wasn’t getting better months after abuse.. and I couldn’t comprehend why. The games and drama continued. They continue now and it breaks me. I should be stronger. 

I have in today and took my first one. I feel it’s a sign of weakness. I feel broken. But I’m tired of fighting this battle on my own. Nothing I’ve donr has worked so far. And I’m scared of the weight gain because that will make me more angry and emotional. 



I fall for it every time. Why would I believe it’s different today. From yesterday. From last year. From when it all exploded in my face. Stop believing in people that have drowned you. 

I’m so stupid.

Stop believe abusers change. Stop.! Stop making excuses for people who neglect their child then tell people you won’t let them see them. Don’t trust people who tell half stories to make you look like scum.. Stop letting time make you forget who they are and what they’ve done.. I want to ducking drown.
No one has broken my heart. But what has broken my heart.. knowing that the person in this world whom I should be able to trust, I can’t. The person who should live and regard these babies at the top of their mind every second of the day. Love them. Nature and protect them. Devote to them. Give in for them. And love them more than anything in this life.. you can’t trust them because they are absuers. They use the child to get at you. To monitor you. To hurt you. To drown you. They spoil them and feed them lies. They turn them on you when you are trying so hard to repair all the damages they left in their wake. 

No one understands. 


{And yes I let auto correct keeping ducking. I’m a lady}